The Mind Of A Moron

I read in the paper today that the Bay received a buyout offer it was for something around 500 million dollars. The article also went on to say how the Bay’s profits are a little less than 60 million per year.

This has gotta be one of the biggest corporate fuckups ever, we’re talking about a company who used to OWN HALF OF CANADA, and now they own 500 failing department stores.

If the Bay has played their cards right there would be a country named after them, and they would remain a permanent dictator.

So here is what didn’t work this week, (it’s called the third one cus last post was two weeks combined).

The first two I completely accept they were forced and corny, kinda wish the third has worked but I got a bunch of other good stuff this week so I’m happy. Sadly all I show now is filler.

S: In an effort to be healthy I’ve started drinking a lot of water since it has 0 calories.
P: And here’s a little tip, throw in some Cool-Aid powder and it goes down way easier.

S: And I don’t eat white bread anymore either.
P: I’m always sure to make sure it’s covered with deliciously brown Nuttela.

S: It occurred to me that I have never followed through on a New Years resolution, not once. Well it’s time things changed.
P: I think I’ve beat the system, this year I resolve to sleep in, become obese, and to be an absolute dick to everyone. hehehe I’d like to see any of those things happen now.

Well I have 4 new cartoons that most people havent seen so I will post them here:

Okay so here’s the deal I’m taking a comedy class and what I’m going to do is post the things that didn’t seem to work for the world to see.

Some of it I might re-work, but this is what when tried in front of the class only got stares.

How do fish get caught, it’s not like we’re tricking them into thinking a worm on a hook is something else…”Oh look, a worm, floating unnaturally in the water, with a hook in it……Tasty”…”Oh, oh God, what the hell it was a trap, how could I have known…”

Every once in a while there is talk of people stealing from charities, but I don’t know how they do it, [it’s not like you can][you cant] just slip those giant sized donation checks in your back pocket and walk out the door.

I asked an attendant at Home Depot for some “weed killer”. Well I didn’t exactly get what I was looking for, but who’s complaining…freakin dyslexics.

Everywhere I go I see union signs saying “Honk To Show Support”
What are they trying to trick us into supporting them. When was the last time you honked because someone was doing something that made you happy. I’m honking because I’m pissed off, and don’t you try and twist it into anything else.

At some point in our lives we all deal with a shady operation. Me, I was trying to but some firecrackers, and you know what the first thing the guy asked me was, “Are you a cop”…
What do they expect me to say? “Well, I’m kinda undercover so I wasn’t gonna say anything, but since you asked nicely, yes, I am”

I get that we Europeans pretty much raped this country for all it has, but do we have to be so proud of that and commemorate the things we have destroyed by making them national symbols.
“Attention Canada, we have whipped out the mighty beaver, and will commemorate this grand day by putting him on our coins”

So yeah I donno, if something there is worth reviving let me know.

Something that I started to wonder while brainstorming is, do they make obese crash test dummies?

I’ve only ever seen skinny ones, but surely there must be obese ones, where are those hidden away. After all with obesity being almost the norm in the US (and probably the world) they must have dummies that actually test out how safe a car is for the “average” person.

I would imagine that a heavy folk put a lot more strain on things like seat belts, and hit the dash harder, so there must be different safety considerations for them.

Most of all I just want to know what a 350lb dummy would look like.

The main reason I never post is because I forgot my password, it took my a good 1/2hour to get it reset today. But mostly I really never have anything that goes here, most of what I do turns out to be something that doesn’t go here, maybe I will one day have something to blog about.

Until that time I guess it is important that every once in a while I put something there so that I can feel as if this isn’t abandoned, and how can I tell others they don’t blog enough if I don’t at least make a token effort to do so.

And now my obligation to post is here.

Now I feel like one of those loser blogers that writes stupid self indulgent posts that don’t even offer marginal entertainment then expects the world to read them.

And I did get 13 visitors last week so to them I apologize.