The Mind Of A Moron

Okay so it was snowing today, snow in November I know, “scary”.

I had a two hour break so naturally I decided to build snowmen in the courtyard. Things where going well I built a nice big snow man (maybe 5′8″) and the cafe gave me carrots and other vegetable matter to give him a face. In addition to this I ripped some branched off a tree for arms. I even gave the big one face on each side so everybody could see him.

I then made a little one but it broke before I finished, so I made another rather small one at the other end of the courtyard (which is the one still standing in the picture).

Well proud of myself, I decided to go find people to whom I could exclaim my joy, and I was gone not 5min when I arrived back to find my snowmen vandalized. The big one was smashed up (see pic, only the bottom survives).

The little one however had suffered a much more crewel fate, he was salted, that’s right salt packages all over him. Obviously a torturous attempt to melt him.

First thing I did was go CSI on the scene, I ran out there and checked for foot prints (assuming someone kicked the snowman done) to no avail.

Well maybe people just dont understand that I like my snowmen alive, an honest mistake?

I then took two sheets of paper and wooden coffee stir sticks, I attached a piece of paper to each snowman.

The base of the large broken snowman had a note that read “I will have my revenge”. The small snowman who was still alive but suffering dearly from the salt packets had a note that read, “Please Don’t Kill Me”.

I wasn’t about to let the smaller guy die so I pulled a stakeout, and watched from the window, sadly I got into a conversation and was distracted, that’s when he fell.

It could have been a person or just the breaking point after those evil salt packets.

Anyways that’s the end, and this is my story of the day.

The video does have crappy sound but it was hard to get a reasonable size.

So here is an mp3 of it for you’re enjoyment
http://www.themindofamoron.com/stephentaddei.mp3

Okay so I did my first standup thing, and here it is let me know what you think

http://themindofamoron.com/finalsteve.mov

Okay well I want to post regularly but I’ve nothing new to say, so here is what I’m going to do, post things that I haven’t perfected, were just pathetic, or things I didn’t think would work, along with a few that I just never got a chance to try out.

So rather than this being what didn’t make that cut, this is what hasn’t yet (or never will) make the ‘tryouts’ actually this has one that I tried and didn’t work, the drinking one.

I got fired from 7-11 for sexual harassment, I was just reading the oh… henry bar. OR for picking up Baby Ruths

On the plus side you don’t have a hangover when you die of alcohol poisoning.

I don’t know why we’re told not to stick our fingers in outlets, as far as I’m concerned what’s good enough for Einstein is good enough for me.

Religion has been a source of conflict in the world since well the beginning of time, and you know the crappy thing, somebody is probably right so 4 or 5 billion people are going to be wrong.

The stranger part is that there are many intertwined bits between religions, for example, of the major religion many share the same holy city, what is this a freaking coincidence, are was there just some dis-agreement at the beginning of time.

“Yeah, you know what I know we all believe in the same God, but you don’t wanna eat pork and I only eat fish on Fridays, so yeah, we’re enemies, you set up on that side of the street I’ll set up on this.”

Islam even recognizes Jesus as an important prophet, well what was he the lying prophet, everyone has their flaws and Jesus just happened to be the prophet who lied about being Gods son.

I had an argument (well maybe a discussion) with my brother over the difference between creepy and scary.

This is how I see it, things are creepy until it happens to me, at which point it become scary.

Here are some examples.

I read in the paper that someone was chased with a knife, this creeps me out, if later that day I find out I am being chased with a knife I am now scared.

Does that make sense, it does to me.

Another example if your classic creepy old man who lives down the street, hes creepy until he tried to sodomize you, and again, creepy becomes scary.

Anyways I’m just throwing it out there, what do you think?

Well this is what didn’t turn out this week, I enjoyed the 2nd one but alas oh well. My set is between 4 and 5 min and we do our showcase at Zesty’s Restaurant on Nov 23. If anyone is interested let me know and I’ll give you more details.

Reverse psychology is the one tool even the worst of parents have at their discretion, so why do so many of them mess it up.
*Act Quotes* “Don’t Look At The Sun” well what was the first thing we all did when we heard that, yup, burnt the hell out of our retina.

Why do smokers always need to ask for a light, do they put their cigarettes in their pocket look at their lighter and say you know what, no, I don’t need that, maybe they’ll light themselves this time

By the time I finished this I can’t say I’m all to proud of it, but oh well by the time I had fine-lined it I was to committed to back down.

How do they get hit I don’t know, it seems there are a lot of dumb animals out there. But what can I say, it’s a hell of a lot easier to pick on dumb animals than dumb people.

So here is what didn’t get laughs this week, I actually really liked these three so was kinda sad. Oh well in the future I hope to resurrect a lot of these into working ones. Soon I will also post a didn’t make the cut list, of (some of the) things I have written but decided to to try out.

Without further ado here you go:

Something I have been wondering for quite a while is do penguins taste more like fish, or chicken. Sure they are birds, but on the other hand they a slick looking, spend a lot of time in the water, and eat fish, as they say you are what you eat.
And for that matter if you wanted to catch a penguin what would work better a rifle or a fishing rod?

S: I went to a nutritionist and you know what she said, “you are what you eat”
P: said slowly and unsurely so [I’m spoused to][you’re saying I] eat,.. people?

S: I haven’t been at my computer all day and I think I’m going into withdrawal. After so long without email I could be missing out on something.
P: What if for example I’ve one some fantastic prize and all I need to claim it is give some unknown Zimbabwean company my credit card info.
P: Or worse, I’ve been notified that there is a 24hour limited time sales on penis enlargers, and I must act now!