The Mind Of A Moron

Okay well I have another new cartoon for you. This one I am quite proud of it is actually a stand-up joke of mine and while I was having a bath it occurred to me that it would also make a great cartoon.

Another note, I’m not sure if I have made this clear before but I encourage you to use my cartoon on your sites, blogs, or msn/myspace, all I ask is that you throw a link back to me or something to help promote me.

Anyways Enjoy!

Technorati Tags: cartoons, funny, jokes, taddei, comedy, drawing, art, comics, comic

Who hasn’t ever made a dumb phone call while they were drunk (or intoxicated in another way)?

And we’re never really proud when we do this, but hey sometimes the overwhelming need to talk to someone at 2am comes over you, and without inhibitions to guide you, naturally, a foolish call is initiated.

So what I’m proposing is a few things actually; first, phones should have a breathalyzer. It wouldn’t block you from making all calls, it would just just block you from calling a predetermined blacklist (because you would obviously still need your phone for legitimate reasons). I also propose that the phone be setup to auto drop certain incoming calls when you are intoxicated (because who wants to talk to their Great Aunt, or employer).

But then what if its not booze that has you out of a stable mind, well then I can solve that too. Before making or receiving a call you must solve a little onscreen puzzle or riddle.

The breathalyzer is a little extreme and would need to be done on the manufacturer side, but the idea of having to complete a quick puzzle (to ensure mental stability) is quite a bit easier and would just be a software issue.

Technorati Tags: cellphone, cellphones, breathalyzer, embarrassing, intoxicated, funny, rant, ideas, comedy, puzzle, drunk

Okay you know it’s a good week for me when twice I had to reprimand people for over-complementation. This will often occurs when I attempt bring my ego back to earth by saying something negative about myself, then somebody decided to try pumping me back up.

I won’t even pretend that that’s not enjoyable but still, I recognize that I have a slightly (or very) inflated sense of self worth, and this is in reality bad. So it’s to the point where by making me feel too good about myself, you could be doing me actual psychological harm.

OK and regarding the title I’m comparing stroking my ego to feeding a lion at the zoo. You know you’re not supposed to because in the end its a bad habit for the lion, but still, you do and for that, I thank you.

Now of course I’m sure anybody who read this thinks less of me, and I’m okay with that (but most things I say are in jest).

ps. I have new cartoon coming soon, but my sketch book is full so I need to buy a new one first

Technorati Tags: comedy, taddei, rant, humor, joke, Vancouver, comedian, ego, self-esteem, lions

I’ve interrupted myself from some creative writing homework to make this post while it is still fresh in my mind, and I figure this is kind of creative writing so I’m still on topic.

A friend of mine just called me and she was disappointed to hear the luck or excitement in my voice. I was of course happy to hear from her, and the lack of excitement can be explained by something else, which I call “Rocket Ship In The Frontyard Syndrome”.

You see I just recently got my cell phone and I am still getting used to it, so when I do get a call it is to say the least, noteworthy. To top that off the ring or vibrate from the phone always shoots my heart rate up from the surprise especially when I’m dwelling on something else, this sends me into further shock.

So here is my metaphor/analogy (I’m sure it’s one of those just not sure which). I equate getting an phone call to a rocket ship landing in my front yard. Would I be excited, hell yeah! But I would spend the first few minutes in shock, and dumbfounded, after a few minutes pass then I warm back up and my excitement/enthusiasm comes back.

So if you ever talk to me and I don’t sound happy to hear from you (unless I’m actually not happy to hear from you) you can safely blame RSFS (rocket ship frontyard syndrome)

I’m going to switch it up a little bit and post the cartoon above my rantings.

Okay so this one, oh man, is the art ever bad. Usually with something I don’t know how to draw well I will look at some photos and learn it, but I did this cartoon at school so didn’t have that luxury. To top that off it scanned in pretty bad, and by the time I noticed I was to committed to coloring and didn’t want to re-do it. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed it.

Sorry I haven’t been doing many cartoons, my focus has really been on standup recently. I got to perform the past three weeks and the next two, so yay I’m getting practice and trying to test new stuff as much as I can without bombing.

This is one of those things that just hits you and then it makes so much sense. I actually didn’t realize it’s greatness till about five minutes after I said it, I then rushed to grab a pen from my pocket and write this revelation down.
…

HAIL IS THE ULTIMATE FORM OF PRECIPTATION!

Why you ask?

• It doesn’t make you wet
• It doesn’t clog the roads like snow
• Although it is cold, the weather doesn’t have to be cold since hail freezes high up then comes down
• Yet hail still does melt into water so it’s better than no precipitation (droughts are bad)

So clearly hail is the most efficient, comfortable, and dry, form of water delivery. And if you don’t agree, well that’s why I moderate my comments (kidding, unless you show your disagreeance by posting casino ads, then yes I will censor)

As everybody knows I spent many years being useless, and only recently have I been working towards the status of being a “real person” (a real person is defined as having: a job, cellphone, license, and being 19). In fact I have achieved the last three over those over the past 6 months, which is pretty good if I do say so.

Anyways, being more of a real person than ever before it has occurred to me that it would be really useful to have a directional horn honk on cars. This way there is no questioning “did he honk at me”. Or worse, the person you honked at not knowing they are being reprimanded.

Now I’m not about to go in search of the technology to make it happen but I do believe it exists. Whatever auto manufacturer is first to jump on the boat with this idea is sure to garner some extra sales (or not).

Okay well when I don’t have anything to say but want to still post what do I do? That’s right I post something I’ve already done for you. This is a creative writing story I did for school it’s really short and should be an entertaining read.

It was dark all around me and I couldn’t see a thing; it felt like the whole world had closed up upon me. I don’t know how I could have been so dumb. There was no getting out now; I had made too many bad decisions. I can only hope that there are not too many days before my death.
***
It was springtime and as we all know, spring is the time of year when they come to get us. Their wrath lasts mostly through the summer, and many good lives are lost every year to them. It’s okay though, mother had also told me to stay away and not be tempted by their vibrant colors and beauty.

Still, this one, it was wonderful. As I wandered past, she caught my eye, begging me to come inside her.

It really is hard to ignore the pleasures the world has to offer; they draw you in promising a good time with no expense. Well let me tell you this: some things, they draw you in and then you’re stuck and they close in on you. There is nothing you can do but sit idly by until your death comes. You can scream for help but to no avail, because in the end, who is really going to risk their neck for you?

It was hard to resist. I concentrated hard on Tim; he had just last year fallen victim, eaten alive by this cruel world. I would not have the same fate; I would not be so foolishly impulsive.

I wish I had the courage, as foolish as Tim was, I should have helped him. He could have gotten out of that horrible place if I had only extended a limb, but I was afraid.

To stay away from her was harder than ever and it was only accented by the sipping of wine I snagged at a beautiful lunch on the balcony. I know I’m not quite in the right mind, but I’m sure I can get what I want without repercussions.

I circled around to take another look, and gave a whistle. Goddamn, it looked good. I just wanted to have a taste of what it would be like. Just through my sight I could tell it would be ecstasy; the actual experience must be even better.

“No,” I said to myself, “it’s not worth it.”

What would my family think, the dishonor it would bring, to know how weak willed I was? Still, what if they never found out? Would it make a difference? Surely, I too deserve some pleasure.

That was the tipping point; I gave my inhibitions a big “screw you” and zipped towards her. She opened up wide, and clearly I was welcome to be there. I went faster and faster and then pounced, and just as I got inside…

“Snnnnnap!” The Venus flytrap slammed shut on me.
And now, I sit here in the dark waiting to be digested by this vile creature.

First I’m sorry I haven’t been posting much lately I’ve been busy and or preoccupied with other things, leaving me with less sitting and thinking time.

I would like to take this opportunity to inform the word that yes, ringtones are out loud. That is, when people call you, others who are nearby will hear what is on your phone.

It’s far to often when someones phone goes off to some silly song, and their face shoots red with embarrassment as everyone looks at them thinking “wow, I can’t believe that’s their ringtone” and their respect for you whittles away. The thing is the phone owner, is almost shocked when it happens their like “oh me god, I didn’t think anybody would ever hear it”.

And that is why I’m just making it clear that ringtones are out loud.