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Archive for June, 2006

Now That’s Business

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

So I had another grand idea, business plan actually. The legality of it is only debatable if you’re debating versus someone of particularly low intelligence (so yeah it’d be illegal). Sorry for those non-vancouverites just interest the names and attributes of your local transit system when necessary.

Anyways so on to it. The idea is that you buy a bunch of extra transit tickets, and carry them with you on skytrain, when the ’sky cops’ come checking tickets you quickly (before they reach your end of the train) sell the tickets to those who didn’t buy them (saving them from getting fined) at inflated prices.

Day passes are best for this (but only the ones you buy from retailers). They are more expensive, but they last the whole day if you scratch it (rather than 1.5h) or you could scratch on sale and that way you only use up a ticket when you sell one. (for that matter maybe we should always just carry a day pass with us just in case and scratch when needed)

An alternative plan would be to when someone is about to get fined, whip out an extra ticket and say, “Oh sorry ‘Bill’, I guess I was holding your ticket”, then blackmail them for money after the fact. Regular tickets would work best for that method.

I figure, sell the tickets for 1/2 the fine price (not sure what that actually is) or so.

So that’s the idea, use it, abuse it, get rich, and pay me royalties.

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What Didn’t Work Returns

Wednesday, June 14th, 2006

I feel this overwhelming need to post, I guess it has been a long time my brain has been up to other (albeit related) tasks, I still have nothing to show for it though.

As you may or may not know I try to write a ton out each week, it actually comes to the point where I write more than I can test (I need to start trying to find more stage time.

But I thought I would share with you (as I used to) some of the jokes that didn’t really get pulled off well. The were done two weeks ago I believe, it was a small audience, so I might re-work and re-test but it’s sometimes hard to justify doing when my options are re-test something or try something new.

Anyways where is another edition of what didn’t work.

Fashions pisses me off, who buys jeans with holes in them, and pays an extra $20 to do so, here is my plan, I but some unfashionable jeans from zellers, give them to a homeless person with 5$ and say “wear these, I’ll pick em up in a few days”… not only is it cheap, it’s authentic.

We seem to always choose cute animals for pets and zoos, in the big picture the animals we eat aren’t even that ugly, where begin a good looking animal was once a positive thing because they the animals could procreate it now means we catch them, so I wonder if the future, the animals that survive will be evolution-ed / naturally selected to be freaking ugly assholes so that we let them stay in the wild undisturbed, if I was a rabbit that is what I’d do, or at least start working towards.

You know with twins there is usually, and by usually I mean on tv, one good one and one evil one, everybody feels bad for the good one cus the evil one messes up their life, but what about the evil one, all his street creed is out the window, *in the middle of a drug deal* 1: Yeah that’s right I need 5 kilos, here’s the money have you got the stuff? And the drug dealer says: Fuck that I saw you talking to the cops earlier, you’re dead to me *bang*, and the evil twin dies, all because the good twin felt compelled to visit a neighborhood watch meeting earlier in the day.

Of those the one I liked the best was the twins and was disappointed that it didn’t work out, I also like the premise of the ugly animals one.

But of course my intellectually property obsessed mind reminds me to assert ownership over them still by saying that I’ll eventually find a way to use em.

So what do you think, obvious duds (the fashion one is for sure)?

ps. Spell but not grammer checked.

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