The Mind Of A Moron

A currently anonymous user did a version, I think it’s better than mine that’s for sure, a few words are jumbled, but he recorded it on his cell phone. Listen to K’s (first initial) PG Unit Cover

Maybe I’ll have to have auditions for being PG Unit.

Edit: Sorry it’s so bad, Kyle tells me I’ve ruined my own work by rapping it, he may be right, does anyone who can rap, wanna do a recoding with me?

Well I threw this together in like 10 minutes, done in audacity which is actually quite nice, I need better mic though.

Consider this an underground mixtape songs by PG-Unit, cus I can’t rap, I don;t even know what would make something rap, but alas, enjoy, I think it does have a few strong points, like the closer.

Listen To PG-Unit

I tried to work on my satirecity podcast and get it going today, but I just couldn’t figure out how I wanted to approach it. I also worked more on Autistic Ape (tentative title, cartoon), it’s about 10 pages long now and 15-20 minutues, no I just have to edit and put it into a real script format.

I’ve been thinking and have bounced this off a few people, but I think that a great name for a child rapper would be “PG-Unit” (you know… parental guidance)

Well on the bus today I wrote his first rap song, I know I don’t know how to write rap, consider this a first draft sans-rhythm.

But take a look it’s sure to be a hit as soon as I record it.

Yo Yo Yo’s are my favorite toy
But this aint no time fo poddy
Cus this is PG-Unit – real name roy
An’ I’ma bout t’ get nauddy

I used a fake ID
To get into my own movie
The crowd went wild
They smiled
When they saw my
New Nike air Velcro’s

But this aint no G-unit
Disney cartoon shit
So if there isn’t hair
Under yo arm pit
Yo gonna need to be accompanied
By an adult cus this is PG

I’ve got two dirty ho’s
In the garden
And ya better not cross me
Cus when your found
I’ll get you on the ground
…and paper cut you

So don’t mess wit me
As you will see
I won’t pop one in you ass
But if you pop one in mine
“Mother feeling” I will sue you,
For mol-es-ta-i-tion

Ten yrs in jail
Without no bail
Just ask my hockey coach
That F’ing cockroach

I’m yet to hit puberty
Still I love nudity
The only problem is when I see some fine chick
I don’t get hard dick (it is PG after all)
So gotta strap on
I’ll take her and her mom
Cus I’m P G UNIT
So your mother has ‘come’ with you

Feedback is welcome as always.

Here is a phrase I wrote to friend today, I guess it’s kind of wrong, but it amused me nonetheless.

“You remind me of a retarded person, who forgot they were retarded”

…I posted this under slashevil, so you can’t hate me for it.

Okay so here we are to read the tales of my horrible bus luck today.

First, I am walking down to the bus near my house and I see it go by seconds before I get to the stop, I check my clock, it says 6:40 (so the bus was four minutes early). quickly I turn around and start running in the opposite direction to make the next transfer. This run lasts about 30 seconds, I continue for the next 10 minutes to do run/walk in intervals. Luckily I made it on time.

Next, I got to the Ladner exchange, saw a bus with my number, got on, sadly it went in the opposites direction (wrong name), I pulled the string, but we were on the highway so it didn’t stop for another 10 minutes. When it did I had to cross an overpass to get to the other side of the highway where I waited for a bus that would take me back to the exchange. Finally, I caught one, I get on, show my pass, and the driver says, “you’re in a new zone now, you have to pay an extra $1″, okay sure fine whatever, but all I have is a Tonnie, damn, I toss it in. The bus takes me back to the loop, and now I have a decision to make, do I wait for the next bus, by my estimate the bus ride is only like 10 minutes from here, surly I can walk it right? Wrong choice, I walked, and I walked, and I walked, apparently a bus on the highway goes many multiples the speed of me walking (and the occasional short sprint, but it’s hard to sprint with a backpack). So anyways it took me about 1h to walk leaving me at a loss to the bus by about 20 min and a ton of effort.

Oh and then on my way home I saw a bus where mine was supposed to be but the sign wasn’t lit yet, I got one becuase everything seemed to make sense. Then I noticed it seemed to have left 5 minutes early, strange, then it took a turn where it wasn’t supposed to, oh damn, I screwed up again. I had to get off and walk back to the bus stop and wait for my real bus.

This was one of the strangest days I’ve had in a while

I’m on the lafflines amateur show again

Thursday July 20th 2006
MC: Patrick Maliha
Showtime: 9:00 pm
Price: $10 - friends & family get in for 1/2 price (please have your friends & family call and make reservations to take advantage of the reduced price)

Lafflines is at #26-4th St. New Westminster B.C Phone to reserve: 604-525-2262

Well I just got back from my set in the contest finals at the Orange Room, I didn’t place in the top three which disappointed me. I’m going to work on convincing myself I am capable of better and just didn’t deliver tonight. Sometimes I feel like I’m just to scripted and don’t have enough onstage persona.

As punishment/solution for a poor showing tonight (well wasn’t bad per-say, but I just didn’t do enough ass kicking to kickass) I’m going to try to write a minute of two of new material for tomorrows show at the media club to get myself back on my toes and a little more spur of the momentish.

(spell but not grammar checked)

I’ll be doing another show at the Media Club this Sunday night at 7:30 it will be a sort of a contest, this show could use some people if anyone wants to come. 695 Cambie Street ph.604.608.2871 (cover is something like $7)

Also if I’m playing some other shows so check a few posts below.

If you’re not local I apologize for making you read about my shows and such as I’m sure it means nothing too you, rest assured I’ll do some content updating soon.

Okay so here we have a cartoon, this was meant to be a cartoon a day but I never colored it until now so here you have it. I’m actually quite happy with how it turned out.

Click the image to see it a little more clear at the right size.

I thought I would post an update of what’s going on in my world of comedy.

Monday July 10th - Darbys: 2001 MacDonald St. (at 4th and MacDonald) at 9:30pm

Saturday July 15th - The Orange Room (this one is the finals of a contest, so I really need some people here) 620 - 6th Street, New Westminster - show at 8:30pm Edit I heard it’s a good idea to reserve for this one, visit the site for the phone #

Friday August 4th - Stages (Holiday Inn, Broadway & Heather) show at 10pm

So yeah it would be cool if some people came to each, Stages and Darby’s I’ve never been to before so it’s especially makes me good if I bring a few folks.

Side note: I’ve got three fine-lined cartoon I just need to scan and color them, should be up soon.

ps. Sorry there was no consistent formatting re the details of each show, I got lazy.