The Mind Of A Moron

It’s been a while since I’ve shown where I am so I figured I would post up a more recent audio clip of my standup. So here me have me standing, talking on a stage about a week ago.

I’ll just post it with the inpage player.

So yeah this isn’t the best show but it’s a taste of what I’m up to.

Other notes on what I’m up to:

• I owe you a Flat World Report
• I think I’m going to do a FWR Vancouver Edition
• I still need to start my Idea show
• As per the last post I’m going to look into starting a charity

I have about 10 more days of holi (it seems to me to say days of holidays is just redundant), so I better get cracking.

Okay so every year you need to send holiday cards to everybody you don’t really care about but someone you’re caught in an infinite loop of sending holiday cards to each other. It’s not hard to quickly amass a list of one or two hundred people who you’re going to send a card to. Then to top it off at the end of the season you’ve got to send thank you cards for the gifts you get.

Lets say cards cost 50 cents each and postage is also 50 cents a piece. If you send 100 cards that’s $100!.

But what can you do? Sure you could send E-cards but then you look like you don’t care (do you) and you’re cheap.

So here is my solution a charity that charges 50 cents per e-card sent.

Each e-card would note that the user was charged and the money that would have gone to postage instead goes to charity and helps out those less fortunate in the holiday season. Instantly you go from looking cheap to a hero!

Plus it saves you money for you so there is a double incentive. Of course we could also charge $1 per card which at 100 cards is an extra $100 to charity. That is a huge amount. Everybody wins.

It would be a viral idea too at the bottom of the cards it could have a tag-line something like “Why waste on postage? Send you’re Christmas cards via Acme Charity Cards”. Of course this could be expanded to other card sending occasions as well (birthdays) and make the cards very customizable so it’s actually better than a paper card anyways.

And that is my idea.

There are some jokes I tired that didn’t get a good laugh. I don’t know why I share the worst with you, but mostly I wanted to post to the blog in non video form but didn’t want to do any extra work.

Enjoy and relish in my misery.

Aim for the pie in the sky but if you were in the sky would you want pie, I’d be afraid of getting too heavy and falling through the cloud to my death - I don’t really think clouds can hold a lot of weight - hmm.. I wonder how fat(heavy) people deal with that, problem in heaven (taking it too far?)… that might sound like I’m making fun of fat people not so, bodybuilders, also screwed

It’s great that people pursue there dreams no matter how far fetched, because without them who would fail miserably, have missed the boat on education and take a job as a a Carine, or medical test subject, filling a valuable role in society. Seriously without failed actors, rockstars and comedians, who would buss tables, society would be crewed without us. Be thankful.

If urine as ammonia and ammonia is a sanitizer, then as a restaurant cook I think I should be required not to wash my hands, you do want clean food don’t you.

Meat quality should be judged based on original cuteness of the animal you’re eating, cow ok, but baby cow - viel, way better, naturally rabbits are even cutter, and tastier!

If you wanna know who the US will invade next then look at the color of the US on a map, then look for every other nation that’ the next target. Map makes know these things and plan ahead so we don’t need to replace our maps, nice guys. Or get an old map maybe ten yours old, you’ll notice the US is green, and hmm… so is iraq, and korea, and…. France?

Back in cave man times it would have been great to be the one non-religious guy in the tribe- they lay out a sacrifice for the goats of five goats and a virgin, you sneak back in the night and take it. If they think the sun is God, you sell them shiny rocks. Or maybe just to screw with them if there is only once source of water you go to the river and bless it, making it holy water so they can’t drink it.

Here are the latest two flat world reports, I know I haven’t done much regular blogging recently, sorry about that but I’ll get on it soon.

I’m also thinking about another video project called “The Idea” which will come into play over the holidays.

Anyways here are the videos. (If you click the link it will take you to the Revver page where you can also view them and grab the embed code to put the video on your site, blog, myspace ect)

Anti-Depresants Kill, Charity Scams & More FWR Headlines

Chewable Birth Control, Zune & Drug Payoffs: FWR Headlines

The following post is syndicated from the Flat World Report .com.
I’m actually quite proud of this one. There is another FWR that I did a few days ago and it wasn’t syndicated here you’ll need to go over to the official FWR site to find it.

It’s the flat world report, top headlines. You’ll laugh so hard suicide will seem like the only way to make it stop, but don’t worry after three minutes we’ll free you back into the mundanity of the round earth.

So if you enjoyed this I really would appreciate you sending it on, you can send people to this page or by any of the ways below.

You Tube Link
QuickTime Download
Revver Page - Grab the code to embed this on your blog, profile ect here