The Mind Of A Moron

Okay so this is a spin on the idea of the day concept, because sometimes there are things that aren’t really fresh ideas, but they haven’t been done (as far as I know) or at least are not common place. And you’ve got to wonder why, it’s just a logical step.

So why are there not page buttons on the remote controls for TVs the functionality would cost all of $5 and there could be a button on your TV to make your remote beep (or ring or buzz, your choice). Did the TV companies decide it make too much sense? For as long as people have had couches they have lost remotes, I just don’t understand where that feature has been all these years, it should be built into all TVs.

I did comedy for the Blues For Books charity event at the Yale yesterday. At first I thought I bombed but it wasn’t as bad as I originally thought. The obvious excuse is that everyone was there to listen to the blues musicians (Kenny ‘Blues Boss’ Wane & Garry Preston), who were awesome by the way. But the thing was being on stage with the light in my eyes and a dance floor between me and the audience really reduced the feedback (I couldn’t see or hear them). This freaked me out and my mouth went pasty, and I found myself cutting about 3 minutes of my set. Luckily I had things rehearsed well enough that I didn’t really have to thing as I did it, so I doubt one could tell from my voice how I felt.

My fellow comedians assured me I did fine and after reviewing the tape 9to make sure there was laughter) it was okay (considering the fact that there was comedy wasn’t even on the bill).

All things considered great experience and it was cool to meet some other comedians out there, as I’m yet to really get into the comedy scene.

Well I wrote the tasks I wanted to accomplish today on a sheet of paper, and I sat for about 1/2 hour then drew a thick black line across the title of my list, “today”, and wrote beside it “tomorrow”.

I could have, of course, just not done the tasks I had set myself, but that seems wrong, and it would demotivate me later since I’m not reaching goals.

Now it says “tomorrow” on it, and you’re wondering, “well but it’s still going to say tomorrow, tomorrow, so you’ll never get it done”, but that’s okay. You see when I do actually end up getting these tasks done I will be doing them a day early (since the list says tomorrow).

This is a great way to lift my motivation, with the strike of my pen and simply changing one word, I turned what could have been a demotivating day into a very motivating one. Now whatever I do and whenever I do it, I’m always a day ahead, and that is a pretty damn great feeling.

This is an derived for a conversation I had on the buss a while ago, its was the purposefully loud kind that others eavesdrop on then eventually give their input or smirks.

It’s actually two fold, but I believe they are related:

First, what if humans evolved like plants to get energy from the sun:

Well the neat thing here is that we wouldn’t need to eat, we would be solar powered beings, and I guess we would use carbon dioxide and release oxygen too. It would actually create a far superior race. I hope some gene splicer out there is working on this.

Now of course the neat aspects of this are that, the fat people would be the ones who spend too much time outside, in fact I believe that sunscreen would quickly replace diet pills.

(note this conversation worked it’s way into my comedy, so sorry if parts of this are familiar from a few posts down)

And quite frankly I think that would be pretty cool, we also wouldn’t have to farm so lazy people would be happy, and we wouldn’t eat meat so vegans would be happy. Overall the world would be a much better place.

Second, zombies evolved from venus fly traps

Evidence:

Just within those points it’s quite clear that zombies share some genetic relation to venus fly traps.

I therefore believe that just as Bigfoot is the missing link between us the the apes, zombies are the missing link between and the plants.

If we are to one day become solar powered beings zombies will be ones of the key ingredients.

I do like my TV and movies but I have to say it does become a tad bit predictable. After all if you’re watching an hour and a half movie, you know that the hero will survive his first battle. Or that the first suspect in CSI isn’t going to be the criminal because well, they have another 45 minutes of time to fill.

And of course you know I wouldn’t point this out without providing a solution, and here it is, ‘variable timed shows’.

Maybe sometimes I’ll go to the theater watch the newest action flick and Jackie Chan doesn’t successfully jump over the building in scene one, he fall to his death, show over. Now that would shock me.

If they didn’t publish the time then we’d always be on our toes you really wouldn’t be able to predict “is this episode of House MD going to be 7 minutes or 59″. The patient could come in they could try some things but this time there is no breakthrough realization, I mean some people must not make it right. I don’t know what they would do with the extra time on the episodes that happened to be short though. Maybe ads?

Okay as of that last cartoon I finished my cartoon a day project and met my holiday goal of 10 cartoons (and only with 1h10 to spare before my first class of the new year).

Now just because I’ve done them doesn’t mean in itself that they are good, so I ask this should I demote any of those cartoons to less than bright? Which ones repulse you?

I’m going to get the lessthanbright site going soon maybe next week with a bunch of full cartoons that then got cut as well as sketched ones that where never completed, you will then be able to vote these out of less than bright and I’ll make them into full cartoons.

I guess this is kind of a rip off of my earlier starfish cartoon, I hope it’s different enough to still provide at the very least marginal entertainment.

I always have a really hard time deciding what and what is not funny, especially with the comedy, and now I don’t have those classes as a safe-haven to see what will work so I’m going post a few bits here and I welcome your comments (email, comment below, or just talk to me).

Did you know there are 100’s of different religions out there, at a first glance that little factoid seams pretty neat, but then you’ve got to wonder, 100 Gods, and they are all smiting me, what are the odds. I can’t believe that just statistically I wouldn’t inadvertently being exactly what at least one god wanted and be rewarded for it.

This year I decided that I am going to do some god in the world
Because I’m tired of poverty and famine charities taking over so much valuable TV programing

Diamonds are forever, but your not, so what am I wasting my money on, I want to buy a diamond that lasts a lifetime, now that’s practical.

Chicken are the best example of use it or lose it, I mean they could fly, and they just stopped doing it, what fuckups.
That’s why I don’t eat chicken, any bird that’s to obese to fly can’t be good for you.

the differences just the smallest thing can make in our evolution is astounding, for example, what is a prehistoric beetle took a wrong turn and that lead to humans evolving to get energy from the sun like plants.
-first well, we’d be green,
-and the fat kids would be the ones who spent too much time outside.
-”Timmy, you’re looking a little chubby today, I don’t want you going outside, go to the living room and play xbox,… and shut the blinds…”
-sunscreen would replace diet pills

with something like that I have to say I feel pretty original, but still with like 6billion people out there I have to wonder is there is someone in the world thinking the exact same thing as me right now..
- oh shit he knows my inner most thoughts
- I’ve got to kill him
- oh know now he’s probably trying ti kill me too

Okay well that’s like 1/10th of all the crap I’ve got untested, and a lot of it will be filler I hope to get some help in weeding things out.

That’s right after today there is just one more cartoon and then the cartoon a day project is over. So tomorrow I’ll have to do school and a cartoon, wow my life sure is intense (well no).

I would like to talk about the difference between spears and harpoons and this is shaped mostly as a message or warning so you don’t get injured in the future.

The misconception lies in the fact that many people believe the two weapons are interchangeable they are however not. Spears can only harm land animals and harpoon at only those of the sea.

So for example, throw a spear at a whale, and nothing happens, it bounces right off. Or if you harpoon a bear, even it it sticks in his body it wont hurt, he will look at the harpoon and laugh at you saying “this doesn’t affect me”.

There is still another problem what about hybrid animals, say a seal on the beach, or crabs. Well, it comes down where are they at the moment, the water or on land.

And I think I can tie this all together quick will with this example, if you see a crocodile walking along the road, without a question you would spear it, but if it was in the water and you were hunting it by boat it’s clear that a harpoon would be the only thing to kill it with.

Can you belive I had to google the spelling of eagle, it’s so sad.

Here is number 6:

Here is cartoon number 5, I’m beating the clock for today by over 11 hours, but I was afraid if I didn’t do it now I might not get to it later on since it’s a Friday.

Well I wrote a bunch of whatnot in the last post, so here is the cartoon:

Well another day and the questions that begs asking is can I actually maintain a flow of interesting cartoons for 8 days. Well I don’t know (maybe I already haven’t) but what I have done is take steps to ensure you get the best product I can deliver.

1) I breath a little bit less, not noticeable to the eye, but I save this breathing for for the intensity required later in the day while drawing.

2) I’ve reduced my extracurricular thinking, this means I try not to think to deeply about things, whether it be what channel to watch, or using a calculator instead of adding 1+1 in my head. This saved brainpower comes in handy later.

3) I feel this is the most important, and it relies on the fact that each day I believe I only actually have a certain amount of “funny” available to me. So you may have noticed I’m more boring than usual in regular conversation, while this is because, and I’m sorry, I need to retain this for the greater good.

I hope you’ve having fun (all 20 or so of you readers)

The fourth cartoon will follow, and by follow I mean will appear above this because of the way things work.

Okay before I post this one let me explain that I am always paranoid about trademarks and other intellectual property, so I tried to make the company this is about pretty covert, while still obvious. I’m sure I’m covered by the fact that it’s parody, but why mess around.

Secondly I have to admit it is draw pretty carelessly, I apologize that I rarely go looking for a ruler, yet I often need one.

Here you go:

Okay sure, I’m about 20minutes late, but as far as I’m concerned until I sleep the day is not over, so here is the 2nd cartoon.

Here is the first cartoon a day cartoon.

Okay well I set myself a goal of 10 cartoons during the holidays, and well up until now I had only those two Christmas ones, so yesterday I set myself a goal of doing one a day up till and including the next Sunday (which would have meant 8 cartoons). Sadly I got sick yesterday so was unable to do one, so the cartoon a day project will go from today through next Monday.

And what can you do for me since I am so graciously providing you with free entertainment? Well here is what I want, more readers, I need to fuel my ego and quite frankly sometimes I have trouble doing so, so tell your friends, link to me, blog me, whatever. Just help spread the word in your everyday life that I am the mind of a moron.

I know this is weird, I’m making a post that isn’t exactly content filled and for that I’m sorry, but rest assured withing 5 min of me publishing this the first cartoon of the day will be up.

Oh wow it just occurred to me, after Christmas before New Years are the 5-6 days (depends if you count Christmas itself) of freedom.

Because Santa can’t punish us for what we did last year, and he’s already given us gifts this year.

So for example if I now went and killed, or even maimed someone that would have been bad in the year 2005 but Santa is only allowed to consider what you’ve done in 2006 next Christmas when it comes to what gifts you get.

So enjoy your days of freedom, they last until New Years… and Santa can’t do a thing about it.

While the rest of the family was at church I got started on some Christmas cartoons, I’m not really sure what to think of them. The art was kinda rushed, and I don’t even know if they are good enough for me to promote to the Buried Under Air label.

I welcome opinions, keepers or not?

By the way in case anyone is interested to know (and why shouldn’t you be) I am actually starting to amass a large number of cartoons that I don’t end up using, about 5 or so are fully done then dropped, but I have a ton of ones I did halfway then decided not to finish. Someday I am going to put all of those up as lessthanbright.com.

Without further delay here are my Christmas cartoons