The Mind Of A Moron

Okay so every year you need to send holiday cards to everybody you don’t really care about but someone you’re caught in an infinite loop of sending holiday cards to each other. It’s not hard to quickly amass a list of one or two hundred people who you’re going to send a card to. Then to top it off at the end of the season you’ve got to send thank you cards for the gifts you get.

Lets say cards cost 50 cents each and postage is also 50 cents a piece. If you send 100 cards that’s $100!.

But what can you do? Sure you could send E-cards but then you look like you don’t care (do you) and you’re cheap.

So here is my solution a charity that charges 50 cents per e-card sent.

Each e-card would note that the user was charged and the money that would have gone to postage instead goes to charity and helps out those less fortunate in the holiday season. Instantly you go from looking cheap to a hero!

Plus it saves you money for you so there is a double incentive. Of course we could also charge $1 per card which at 100 cards is an extra $100 to charity. That is a huge amount. Everybody wins.

It would be a viral idea too at the bottom of the cards it could have a tag-line something like “Why waste on postage? Send you’re Christmas cards via Acme Charity Cards”. Of course this could be expanded to other card sending occasions as well (birthdays) and make the cards very customizable so it’s actually better than a paper card anyways.

And that is my idea.

Here it is:

The List

Umbrella
No Smoking
Suicidal
Shitty Lives
MCD Sports
Pinocchio
Fortune Cookies
Fur Coats
Toys
Outside Food
Evil People
Running Kills

Level Steve Ed. 14 Download

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Technorati Tags: podcast, comedy, steve taddei, stephen taddei, humor, rant, ideas, funny

Hey,

Flat World Report will come on the weekend. And two jokes I tested that didn’t work, and I liked them, to bad nobody else did.

All in video format

So I had another grand idea, business plan actually. The legality of it is only debatable if you’re debating versus someone of particularly low intelligence (so yeah it’d be illegal). Sorry for those non-vancouverites just interest the names and attributes of your local transit system when necessary.

Anyways so on to it. The idea is that you buy a bunch of extra transit tickets, and carry them with you on skytrain, when the ’sky cops’ come checking tickets you quickly (before they reach your end of the train) sell the tickets to those who didn’t buy them (saving them from getting fined) at inflated prices.

Day passes are best for this (but only the ones you buy from retailers). They are more expensive, but they last the whole day if you scratch it (rather than 1.5h) or you could scratch on sale and that way you only use up a ticket when you sell one. (for that matter maybe we should always just carry a day pass with us just in case and scratch when needed)

An alternative plan would be to when someone is about to get fined, whip out an extra ticket and say, “Oh sorry ‘Bill’, I guess I was holding your ticket”, then blackmail them for money after the fact. Regular tickets would work best for that method.

I figure, sell the tickets for 1/2 the fine price (not sure what that actually is) or so.

So that’s the idea, use it, abuse it, get rich, and pay me royalties.

Who hasn’t ever made a dumb phone call while they were drunk (or intoxicated in another way)?

And we’re never really proud when we do this, but hey sometimes the overwhelming need to talk to someone at 2am comes over you, and without inhibitions to guide you, naturally, a foolish call is initiated.

So what I’m proposing is a few things actually; first, phones should have a breathalyzer. It wouldn’t block you from making all calls, it would just just block you from calling a predetermined blacklist (because you would obviously still need your phone for legitimate reasons). I also propose that the phone be setup to auto drop certain incoming calls when you are intoxicated (because who wants to talk to their Great Aunt, or employer).

But then what if its not booze that has you out of a stable mind, well then I can solve that too. Before making or receiving a call you must solve a little onscreen puzzle or riddle.

The breathalyzer is a little extreme and would need to be done on the manufacturer side, but the idea of having to complete a quick puzzle (to ensure mental stability) is quite a bit easier and would just be a software issue.

Technorati Tags: cellphone, cellphones, breathalyzer, embarrassing, intoxicated, funny, rant, ideas, comedy, puzzle, drunk

As everybody knows I spent many years being useless, and only recently have I been working towards the status of being a “real person” (a real person is defined as having: a job, cellphone, license, and being 19). In fact I have achieved the last three over those over the past 6 months, which is pretty good if I do say so.

Anyways, being more of a real person than ever before it has occurred to me that it would be really useful to have a directional horn honk on cars. This way there is no questioning “did he honk at me”. Or worse, the person you honked at not knowing they are being reprimanded.

Now I’m not about to go in search of the technology to make it happen but I do believe it exists. Whatever auto manufacturer is first to jump on the boat with this idea is sure to garner some extra sales (or not).

Okay so here is one that you’re going to read and say “why didn’t I think of that”. Well you’re lucky, I don’t have many readers so you could probably get away with telling all your friends you did.

I figure if they can outsource the call center (you know support lines for companies ect), why can’t I outsource being on hold.

I have come up with two excellent ways of doing this.

The first is that I tell someone in let say India (only chosen cus so many call centers are there) my problem, and my info then they call the support line wait on hold and get the problem fixed once the call goes through.
Benefits

It takes no effort on your part

There would be no problem understanding accents since both the call center person and your ‘on hold guy’ would be from the same area.

It would save you money, well kinda, think what that 1/2 hour+ of your time is really worth, you might as well pay someone else to do it.

The other way of doing this is just outsourcing the actual act of holding, kinda of like paying someone to wait in line for you, and when it’s your turn they notify you and connect you to the other end.

I would love to see this done. If I get particularly bored anytime soon, I will at the very least make it into a parody website.

(sorry for the downtime & recent slowness, hopefully things are better now)

First I am wondering something, is it okay to call it an idea of the day, if I don’t have a new one every day? Should they just be called ideas.

Anyways today I would like to discuss the merits of ‘peanut better bread’. There are a few different ways this could be made and consumed.

The first is to make it similar to garlic bread, where it is a regular bread load with peanut butter put on the inside, so peanut butter stuffed bread. This would be good, but it is not what I see as revolutionary.

I think what we need to do is bake the peanut better into the bread. You know that cheese bread, same deal but peanut butter. Or it could be equated as the peanut butter cookie of bread.

This bread would be best if made slightly sweeter than regular bread, and it would taste excellent toasted or just warm.

Obvious twists on this would be the baking in some jam as well, but I wont dwell on that to much.

So again, be thankful for my generosity, because you have no idea how hard it is for me to share ones was great as this. I will say this one again feels like something there might already be, but I haven’t seen it.

Now for the +

Since we are talking about food, I thought I’d mention how I really wish they sold tomato sauce in a ketchup like squeeze bottle, it would be much easier than pouring it, and would reduce the side drippage.